Apple Ad | Golf Humor | A Pissing Contest

Image grabbed from CIO.com featured slideshow
Image grabbed from CIO.com featured slideshow

I saw this old Apple Ad from a featured slideshow presentation in CIO.com. †Now just imagine if this ad goes out now but for the iPod Nano? LOL. †Click here to see more old and funny tech ads.

It’s important to take note though that we now find the gadgets and gizmos featured in most of these ads funny because we tend to compare them with the technology and gadgets we know today. †I can imagine that these featured gadgets and gizmos were the geekest and the coolest way back then.

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Golf Humor: Fore!

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FORE! As a golf newbie this is one of the latest additions to my growing fairway vocabulary.† When you hear this from behind you in the fairway, you better cover your head with whatever you can quickly grab (your hands if there is nothing else).† It means that a golf ball is on its way to your general direction, traveling anywhere from 30 to 50 kph.

Now hereís a short humor post about entitled “FORE.”

-o0o-

TWO WOMEN WERE playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me, she told him.

‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?

He replied:

It feels great, but I still think my thumb’s broken. #

Golf Trivia: Where did the term “Caddie” come from?

Q: In golf, where did the term “Caddie” come from?

A: When Mary, later Queen of Scots, went to France as a young girl (for education & survival), Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scot game “golf”. †So he had the first golf course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. †To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. †Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. †In French, the word cadet is pronounced ‘ca- day’ and the Scots changed it into “caddie.” †So now you know! :-)

Source: †Forwarded e-mail

My First Scored Golf Game

I was invited by my boss to play Golf with three other senior managers of Delbros/Delwater early this morning.

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It’s my third time to play in the fairway since I was initiated into the game, also by my boss, barely 2 months ago.

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On the previous two games I was just playing ìbest ballî and my shots were not scored, (although I had been mentally counting my shots). I was also supposed to just play best ball this morning. But my caddy/coach, Tony, thought that I could already play the course and that I would learn faster and more if I would play the course this morning. And so I did, and Tony counted my shots and had them recorded.

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Upon completing Intramuros’ 18th hole, my final score was 95.

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I am quite proud of my first scored game. Prior to this morning’s game, my golf pro instructor, Delfin, told me that when I finally get the chance to play in the fairways, I should aim to ìbreak 100.î Of course in Golf that means that my final score should not exceed 100.† From what I heard, for many neophyte golfers breaking 100 is a major†milestone that sometimes takes several months to achieve.†

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Intramuros is a par 66 course, shorter compared to regular courses but not necessarily easier. I ranked 5th among our group of five, which is expected. But the real story is that my final score was quite decent for a newbie who, just about two months ago, has not yet set foot on a fairway and didn’t know the difference between a bogey and a birdie.

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I believe I made a lot of decent shots this morning, a far cry from my previous showing. Even my boss and the rest of our group think so. Of course they are being kind to me but I would like to believe that they were not just patronizing me.

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My tee shots were particularly okay. Out of 18 drives I believe I made 12 good ones, two or three of which may even be exceptionally good. There were three or four that were really terrible though. I attempted using my driver on hole no. 2 but it didn’t turn out well so I settled for my five wood for the rest of the par 4 and par 5 holes.

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My putting was generally decent, too, especially the long ones.

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My second and third shots were what pulled me down. I am not particularly proud of my approach and pitching shots as well. As the veteran golfers would say, ìgood drive, bad arrive.î

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My worst hole was hole no. 13. I am not superstitious but in this case it is a convenient excuse. I must have been jinxed by hole no. 13.

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Looking at the score sheet I realized that I made four pars and four bogeys. Considering that prior to the game my best hope was to make bogey on each and every hole this should be another reason for me to celebrate.

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Here’s how I fared in the entire game:

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Par: 3+4+3+4+4+3+5+4+4+3+4+3+4+4+4+3+4+3 = 66

Me: 4+4+5+6+7+4+5+6+4+5+6+3+8+7+7+5+5+4 = 95

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Actually, from my own tally I think I scored 99. There may have been really bad shots I made that were no longer counted. Even at 99, I should still be pleased, first, for breaking 100, and second, for the big improvement since my second and last game wherein I must have scored at least 120.

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Now I am officially hooked. #

Golf 101.2 ñ The Basic Rules of Playing Golf

My admin assistant, Nerie (Jimenez), found the following Basic Golf Rules for me through the Internet. I should tell her to always take note of the URL of the Website where she ìborrowsî information from when she is tasked to do some research for me so I can give the appropriate credits. Next time.

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At least she was able to copy the name of the author: Edwin Shackleford. So thanks a lot for these very useful info, Mr. Shackleford.

-o0o-

Golf is played by hitting a ball using a club on an area called “teeing ground.” Once the ball is hit, it usually travels fairways across and onto a next prepared area. A hole could be found in this area that is called a “putting green.”

The objective of the game of golf is that one should be able to complete a hole by means of hitting a ball from a teeing ground and place it inside the hole of the putting green in as little strokes as possible. What is commonly referred to as a round of golf usually consists of 18 holes to be played in.

In golf, there are basically two kinds of play to choose from. The winner in one kind of play is determined by the holes that are lost and won, this is referred to as a match play.


The other kind of play is determined by the number of strokes one has taken to complete a round. This is called a stroke play.

When playing golf, there are basically two relevant rules to remember: (1) as you find the course, go play it. (2) As the ball lies, it should also be played as such.

If you find it hard to follow the above rule, at least try your very best to do what is fair. How do you know what is fair? Below are the summarized rules to give you a good idea of how to play a good and just game of golf.

Basic golf courtesy

Avoid moving, talking or standing too close to a golfer who is about to make a stroke.

Play with a minimum amount of delay. As soon as the players in the group that you are in have left, it is just as best that you do the same.

Try your best not to play until the group is already out of the way.

As much as possible, try to replace the divots. Also, do not forget to smooth any footprints found in the bunkers.

It is highly inadvisable to drop your clubs on the putting green, so donít!

The Rules of Playing

Before playing that all important round of golf, the first thing you should do is to read the local rules stated on the score card you are holding. After which do not forget to place an identifying mark on the ball you are going to use. Some golfers use the same type and brand of golf ball, if in case your ball is placed among these bunch, you will have difficulty knowing which is which.

Label which ball is yours is more practical to do.

Make sure that you get to count your clubs before actual play. You should have a maximum of fourteen clubs.

When starting actual play, it is best that you tee off in front of the tee markers.
When you tee off a little bit off or outside this specified area and you are playing a match play, your opponent may have to ask you to repeat the stroke you just did. The good thing when one does this in a match play, you get to incur no penalty.

However, if in a stroke play, you then are given a penalty of two-stroke. You are therefore required to play in the appropriate area.

If while you are playing and your ball happens to lie in a bunker or a water hazard, you should not in any way touch the ground of the bunker or the water before you do your downswing.

The ball must as much as possible be struck fairly and should neither be spooned or pushed.

It is okay for you to mark the ball that you are using. You could lift your ball, clean it and place it on the exact place where it was.

When dropping a ball, it is best that you erectly stand and then hold the ball at the length of your shoulder, and then you may drop it. If by dropping the ball it happens to strike your partner, you or your caddie, the ball must then be dropped again with no penalty.

It is also okay for you to lift your ball if by doing so you are able to assist another player. Or you also may lift any other ball as long as that ball interferes with your playing or interferes another player. #

Golf 101.1

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It has been approximately a month since I got initiated into Golf. I have since decided to take the game seriously and hired the services of a Pro to coach me on the basic skills of golfing.

My golf vocabulary has also quite grown considerably, thanks to the Internet (and to my assistant, Nerie Jimenez, who actually did the researching for me). Here are some of the basic golf terms that I now have in my Glossary of Golf Jargons. I am quite confident that I can now con myself into any discussion that involves these golfing semantics:

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Par For The Course!
Play begins on each hole from the ìtee box.î Players try to ìdriveî the ball onto the ìfairway,î hit an ìapproachî shot onto the ìgreen,î and then putt the ball into the ìcup.î Along the way from tee to green, different ìhazardsî exist which can hinder play and increase the difficulty of a hole. A ìparî system, determined by the length of each individual hole, grades the overall difficulty of an entire course.

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Par – The number of strokes per hole it should take a player to sink the ball in the cup. Holes measuring up to 250 yards are called par threes; from 251 to 475 yards are par fours; and any hole above 475 yards is considered a par five.

Birdie – Scored by a player who sinks the ball in the cup one stroke under par for that hole. For example, if a player takes four strokes to put the ball in the cup on a par five, he or she gets a birdie.

Eagle – When a golfer is two strokes under par for a given hole. On a par four, for example, if a player hits his or her second shot into the hole, the player gets a score of two and it counts as an eagle.

Double Eagle (or Albatross) – Quite rare, it is when a golfer is three strokes under par on a single hole.

Bogey – When the number of strokes it takes to sink the ball in a hole exceeds the par by one. On a par three hole, a score of four is called a bogey, and the golfer scores one over par on that hole.

Double Bogey – Getting the ball in the cup two strokes above par. A score of seven on a par five, is a double bogey.

Triple Bogey – Scored to a player when he or she sinks the ball three strokes over par for the hole.

Get A Grip!

In order to properly hit the ball and play golf well, a player must be able to understand and execute the three fundamental aspects of the game: the stance, the grip, and the swing.

The Stance – The first element to correctly hitting a golf ball. A player is said to ìaddressî the ball when he or she stands facing it with a club in hand. The golfer must keep his or her head down and eyes on the ball at all times. The shoulders and feet should be square with the ball and feet firmly planted.

The Grip – Without a proper grip, successful contact with the ball is unlikely. A player grips the club in a manner similar to shaking a personís hand. With both hands clasped snugly around the club handle, pressure is exerted by the two middle fingers on the right hand and the last three fingers on the left hand (for right-handed players). Players can choose to link the little finger on the front (right) hand over or under the fourth finger on the back (left) hand.

The Swing – The final and equally important component to hitting the ball well. The golfer grips the club with both hands and holds it with outstretched arms, positioning the ìclub faceî directly behind the ball. Keeping the left arm straight on the backswing (for right-handed golfers), the player swings the club across his or her body and over the shoulder. The player must keep his or her head down when swinging through the ball.

Club The Ball!
During a round of golf, players may carry up to fourteen clubs in their golf bags. Every club is numbered and each is designed for a particular shot. Each club face is angled at a different degree of ìloftî with clubs ranging from open faced ìwedgesî to larger headed ìwoods.î The lower the number on the club, the less loft on the club face; thus, the farther the ball will travel when it is hit.

Woods – Made of graphite or wood, these large headed clubs are for teeing off on long par four and par five holes and for long distance fairway shots. The ìoneî wood or driver is generally the most powerful club in a golferís bag.

Irons – The flat, steel-faced clubs used for short and long fairway strokes. Irons vary in design from sand and pitching wedges with the greatest amount of loft (for short approach shots), to irons with very little loft, like a two or three iron for long distance shots. The putter has an upright face and is used on the green to push the ball toward the cup.

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Golf, finally

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I PLAYED MY very first Golf game in the fairway today. This is something really extraordinary considering my background and history on golf.

I started to develop an interest in the game sometime in early 2003. I was still working for a wholly-owned subsidiary of IBM then. I was the Head of Sales and Marketing. Naturally, my superiors, colleagues, and even some customers have been encouraging me to play golf for the longest time. But it was only in early 2003 that I seriously considered giving it a try.

There are two people whom I recall to have played a key role in initiating me into the game. Ironically, both of them were directly reporting to me at the time.

The first is James Raymundo. James was the Sales Manager of CITE, Inc., an IBM subsidiary which was eventually merged with ACISystems, Inc., another IBM subsidiary and of which I was the Sales and Marketing Manager. During the merger, I was appointed as Head of Sales & Marketing of the new organization which was renamed to IBM Solutions Delivery, Inc. or ISD to IBM insiders. James, on the other hand, was appointed Sales Manager, a position directly reporting to me.

James developed interest on Golf quite early. Back then in early 2003 he must have been playing golf for at least five years already. I recall having joined James in exactly one session at the driving range in Valle Verde along C5 (now Shell Gas Station, SM Hypermart, and Tiendesitas).

The last I’ve heard about James is that he is still with IBM. I believe he is now the RESO (Real Estate and Security Officer) of IBM Philippines. A major career shift for him I must say, but also definitely an advancement.

The other person who influenced me to take interest in golf is Renzo Bellardo. I hired Renzo as Marketing Manager of ISD in mid-2003. He is also a cousin of ISD’s president at that time, Noel Mendoza.

While James plays golf only half-seriously (almost just for fun) Renzo is a certified disciple. He is the one who encouraged me to take a pro to teach me the basics of the game. I remember that at one time he brought me to the driving range of Camp Aguinaldo where he made me try out the pro who has been coaching him. That was when I realized that golf is a complicated game.

And then I left IBM in December 2003. After some time I heard that Renzo moved on to take a Marketing Manager job for one of the product divisions of IBM Philippines. I also heard that some time last year he eventually left IBM to join an IBM competitor. Although I haven’t confirmed it yet I assume he went to HP to join Noel Mendoza and quite a handful of other IBMers who joined HP in 2006 and 2007.

That’s basically all the background I have on golf.

Fast forward to the present time. Exactly three days ago (March 17, Monday) my boss, Jose Eduardo Delgado (JED to Delbros insiders), asked me to go see him in his office. He asked me if I want to learn to play golf. Of course I said yes. I’ve been wanting to for almost a decade now. But I told him I never quite found the time for it. And apart from 2 or 3 times in the driving range since 2003, I haven’t played any game. I also do not have any golf equipment and accessories yet.

JED asked me to go and join him in one of our warehouses in Delbros Cargo Center ñ South, which is the same compound where our corporate offices are. At the warehouse are several golf sets. He asked me to pick one for myself. I told him I couldn’t tell the difference so he picked a set for me. It looks almost like new. It must be new, maybe used 1 or 3 times. He asked me to get it and bring it to our first golf game on Thursdays that week. That is just 2 days away!

Naturally I was on panic mode. I haven’t played any golf before. I’ve never been in the fairway and I know nothing of the rules of the game. But JED assured me that I need not worry about it. He’ll teach me along the way and I’ll just play ìbest ball.î All I need to do is show up at the Intramuros Golf Course a little before 6:00 AM on Thursday with my new golf set and proper golf attire. Yes of course I have to go buy my golf shoes, my first real investment in golf.

JED added that it would not hurt if I visit a driving range, try some of the clubs in my new golf set, and hit some balls. So I dropped by the driving range at Villamor Airbase early the following morning. I returned in the evening with my college pal, Mann Marvil. Mann lives in Taguig and I remembered that he plays golf and in fact has been inviting me to play with him for quite some time. Mann gamely agreed to accompany me at the driving range in Villamor Airbase. That was yesterday. After two sessions and a total of three hours and a half at the driving range my panic has grown more instead of less. Reality has struck me right in the gut. I can’t play golf. Not yet, at least.

After lunch yesterday, I attended a meeting where JED was also present. After the meeting I made a last ditch effort to extricate myself from joining the golf game which was less than 24 hours away. I told JED that it would not be a good idea if I already joined them (to play with him the following day would be Raymund Narvaez or RCN to Delbros insiders) and that I needed maybe a week or two to practice in the driving range. JED dismissed my appeal and said there is nothing for me to worry about. He said I will learn more from that fairway game with him and RCN than I would in a month at the driving range.

I was doomed to my fate. I took comfort on the Biblical passage, ìthis too shall pass.î

And it did! It is now almost 7:00 PM, march 20. Miraculously I survived my first fairway golf game this morning. And it was the full 18-hole course of Intramuros.

True enough I made some really bad shots. But they were funny more than humiliating. Nobody booed me. All I got were encouragements and a lot of tips and pointers from JED, RCN, and even my caddy.

I lost eight balls, which is not bad considering that I went to the game with 15 expecting to lose all of them and maybe a few more.

Having played only ìbest ballî it couldn’t be considered a real game and my game wasn’t scored. I did a mental note of my shots nonetheless and in my estimation I must have scored 140 or more (for a par-66 course). Still a decent score considering my golf experience, or the absence of it.

The really best part of it is that I now really like the game. Playing on the fairway is nothing like what I have experienced before. JED is right. Unless and until I played in the fairway I wouldn’t know if the game will have a hook on me or not. Now I know it does. I am just not sure whether that is a good thing or not. #